And for

the tiniest moment´s I love you

And I got my defenses when it comes to your intentions for me. You say I´m bad, but I learned it all from you. I have to be wicked with you, or else I will love you more than I can handle. And it will end badly; when you´re absence starts to hurt me, you won´t be able to be here for me, cause I won´t let you stay around. That´s because I´m fucking afraid of love you. Your love is dangerous, I can feel that; but someday in all my madness I will take a risk, even knowing that you will never love me back. You better be prepared for all the madness and all the reckless actions cause until that day, I will keep this love very hidden. Hidden in my words of despair and rudeness.


Hidden love ~

I am

just a fucked up girl

That wants some peace of mind. People tend to expect so much on me, tend to take my words as true, they want to fix me. And understand me, all my mistakes, people want to explain them, my rudeness... "Her rudeness is only on the outside" they keep saying, but they never try to reach the inside. "It´s funny the way she smiles, it´s cool how she can keep everyone around but never too close." They talk and talk but nobody ever tried to get really close. It´s easy to say that I am cold, when nobody try to fell my heat, when they are afraid of getting hurt. Well I am afraid too, that´s why I am always keeping people away. One day somebody will be brave enough to break all walls and finally know what I really am, what I am made of. Until then, they will keep saying, keep expecting and keep failing.

Forget

I wish I could, I wish it was easy as it sems; but it´s just not.

Peace. It´s just what I want in my mind, not you. Instead, you is what I got here. Funny the way I lie to you, and the way you lie back to me. Keeping you away is an art, specially when everything else wants you around. fucked up. Is what defines me better. The drunkness, the euphoria, is all part of the mess that I am. I should say... I am really happy in all that sadness. You say that I´m a bad person, that I am such a son of a bitch a "pirate". Well... I was always attracted to things that everyone thought bad, disgusting, sad and disappointing. It´s sad the way I feel happy, but is unique. It might sound fake, but I know how much fucked up I am, and how good I can fell about that. It makes me laught and it´s made to cry... That´s the truth, deal with it. Memories in my body, a cigarette in my hand and a big evil smile in my face. Don´t be scared, that´s just me.

I could be happy.

But I won´t let you know. I won´t ever let anybody know.

The thing is: I always choose the only thing that will make me miserable, throwing away all the ones that could made me happy. It´s sad, but it´s also the irrefutable truth. It´s funny the way I trick myself, doing exactly what makes me feel bad, loving the only person that will not love me back. Doing what I couldn´t, shouldn´t, wouldn´t do, but I do it anyway. "Lebensgefahr", is how I like to call it. Don´t caring, is the best thingh I can do. And reckless is the way it´s gotta be. People say that I´m lonely, I keep people away cause I don´t like them around, trying to fix me, understand me; and never trying just to like me the way that I am. It might be hard sometimes you know ? But only like this, I know who really like me, who can see beyond the rudeness, the neglect. Sometimes, be alone is what makes us special, it´s also what makes us miserable. Everyone has a story to tell right ? I have mine, but only when I am alone.